Boundaries in a 21st Century Relationship

By Shania O’Connor

We live in a world where a relationship is all fun and games. A generation filled with ’friends only’ or ‘no labels’. Sure no labels is okay but this will eat you up inside out.

This is the generation where one has to be aware of themselves, their lives, their focus or drive.

We need to draw a line between attachment and love.

For your relationship to thrive you need to set boundaries.

1. EVERYONE NEED SPACE ( Personal Boundaries)

Space is a huge requirement in a relationship. You have to know that everything will be okay if you stay on your own. Learn to live without them a little. It is what separates us as individuals. Attachments give us this needy, ‘I want all the attention’ kind of outlook. Give it a try take a day or two apart. Get some focus on your interest or you favourite hobby.

2. KNOW YOU BOTH HAVE A LIFE OTHER THAN EACH OTHER ( Life boundaries)

Remember you have a life other than your relationship if you don’t you have an identity crisis. All you concentrate on is them and trust me it is not an appealing look for you or how your partner will see you. Have that ambition and drive towards something other than your relationship. Try to write a journal, listen to songs or walk in nature.

3. FAMILY AND FRIENDS TIME ( Social boundary)

Your significant other may want to spend time with his family or friends without you sometimes. Does that make you anxious? Irritated? It proves you have this sense of control over him/her. You need to understand you cannot control a person. So let go, go socialise with yourself ( Not saying you dont have any friends) or your friends or family (Just dont cheat). Know that you and your partner can have some time apart to reunite with friends.

4. IF YOU FEEL YOUR MENTALLY DRAINED OR ASKING FOR COMMITMENT (Psychological boundary)

Asking for committment is like begging someone to stay. If you have to beg someone to stay in your life and then dont give two shits if it is mentally draining you. THEY DONT CARE. Respect your efforts and know you did what you could now just let go, they will regret it later.

5. PAST LIFE ( Not in your control)

Ohh... you do not want to go there. You will hurt yourself mentally and hurt your partner. Traumatised or not. You have to learn that their past is their past. I know it will be very hard to overcome but try this everytime you think of bringing it up just pinch yourself a little or move out of the room. Control your emotions. Think why is it affecting you. What is under the surface, is it because it reminds you of your past experiences? Communicate with your partner, respect their differences and understand their perspective to it. You have you’re own past and they have their own. This trust the process, dont brush it off cause it will sneak into your brain again so deal with it then and there internally, by yourself or calmly with your partner about why and how it affects you. Also the more the person is reminded of their past it takes off attention of your future.

So, boundaries that will affect you. Take time to yourself, self love and care, move foward not backward and communicate.